Hold on Tight
by DarylDixon'sgirl1985
Summary: Julian Blackthorn seeks comfort from the one person who truly knows him after the death of his sister Livy. Emma Carstairs.


**Hey everyone. This story was brought to you by Fall Bingo, and Shipping Wars on Monthly Challenges for All**

**Fall Bingo - 5D blood, word count 974.**

**Shipping Wars - Julian Blackthorn/Emma Carstairs aka Friendship to Love, Fall Micro 2 List (blood), word count 974.**

**Warning for character deaths. I hope you all enjoy Hold on Tight.**

The tangy scent of blood filled the air as the scattered shards of the Mortal Sword pierced not just Livia but also the Inquisitor too. Emma watched in slow motion horror as everything around her slowed down. The yells as people tried to duck away from the raining glass. The scream of Isabelle Lightwood as she and her brother rushed forward to reach their father. But all she has eyes for is Julian.

He's reached his sister and is cradling her as though she was fragile doll instead of a human being. He has tears in his eyes and she prays that her parabatai hasn't lost another member of his family. The Blackthorns have lost enough family for about a hundred people's lifetimes. Let alone seven kids.

"Stay with me, baby," she his mouth form the words over and over again.

She tries to run to them. To get close enough to comfort Julian but they won't let her. She's kept from her friend, her Julian, in his time of need. She can hear the Lightwoods talking amongst each other and it is easy to discern that both Livy, and Inquisitor Lightwood are. Not that she wants to believe it.

It doesn't take long for the procession of the dead to the silent city begins. She should be there with Julian and she curses herself and everyone keeping her from them, from him. She watches him make his way across the room towards the door holding Livy the same he'd been since he'd reached her.

Julian feels the weight of the world on his shoulders. He shouldn't be here by himself. He looks over and sees Emma desperate to reach him. He wishes that they allowed her to come help him. To take some of the load off his shoulders but they won't. He squares his shoulders as he follows the slow progression of Silent Brothers out of Great Hall. The smell of blood overwhelming his senses and making him want to puke.

"I'm so sorry, Livy," he whispers as though she's still there. As though she might jump up out his arms and proclaims that this was some sort of stupid prank she and Ty had come up with. But that doesn't happen. "I'm so sorry."

He's been in charge of their lives since the tender of twelve years old when their father was basically killed and their older siblings were taken away from, although for different reasons and by different people. The only constant that Livy, Ty, Dru, and Octavian have ever known since then was him, and Emma. They were basically the parents of all these children, and he can't help feel they've both failed Livy.

"We didn't fail her," he sees Emma mouth as they walk past her.

He wishes he can agree as easily as that. But he can't. He wishes that he could reverse time and make it so that Livy, and Ty hadn't come to the meeting. He wishes that none of this had happened at all.

And then far too soon, sooner than he'd thought he was putting Livy's body next to the rest of the dead from that evening. He presses a gentle kiss on her forehead as though he was tucking her in for the night. Not tucking her in for an eternal rest. But just seeing her lying there makes him want to cry and the leader of an Institute can't be seen to cry. He makes his way out of the Silent City after answering a few questions about the arrangements he wants for Livy. He shouldn't be answering these questions. He's just a kid. He was just a kid, and Livy's just a kid, and Emma and all of them.

Jamming his hands into his pockets for something to do he makes the trek back to the house they've been staying at. He doesn't want to talk to anyone. He doesn't want to see anyone because he doesn't think they'd understand. But, of course, life doesn't work that way. And as soon as he gets home he runs into Christina cleaning in the kitchen.

Christina doesn't keep him long and he thanks the angel and whatever God there is for that. He takes the steps slowly up the stairs just wanting to fall into bed. To fall into bed and stay there for days to come but he has to check on Ty.

"He's still asleep," Emma tells him as he starts to head towards Ty's room.

"No change?" Julian asks anxiously. He knows that as soon as Ty wakes the world will change for the younger boy ten times over.

She shakes her head sadly. She holds her arms out to him heedless of the blood still coating his clothes. She knows he needs someone to comfort him and she can be that person. If only for that moment.

Julian knows that Emma is the only one in this house besides his siblings that truly understand what he's going through. After all her own parents had died years before under mysterious circumstances. So he allows her to comfort him. He allows her hold him in her caring if the blood gets on them both. If she doesn't why should he?

"I'm sorry, Jules," she whispers as she leads him down the hall away from Ty's room., the room he'd have shared with Livy, and towards his own. "I'm so sorry."

This might be considered wrong by Shadowhunter standards but for right now it's all he's got to hold onto. So he's going to hold on tight.

**I hope you all enjoyed Hold on Tight.**


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